Let it Be Your Power NOT Your Weakness

A very common misconception about disabilities is that disabilities don't actually have a "look" like many people believe them to have.  I think that's the main reason people have so many questions and sometimes even judgments towards people with disabilities.

I have been victim to peoples judgments and their "ideas" of what I should look like.  I don't fit the mold of what someone in a wheelchair should look like nor do I fit the mold of someone NOT in a wheelchair.  Anyone who knows someone with a disability or someone who has a disability totally and completely understands that a disability doesn't look a certain way.

"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"How can you walk?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"Why do you walk like that?"
"How come you stand on your feet weird?"
"Why are you shaking so much?"

These are all questions that I get on a regular basis.  Sometimes the questions bother me and sometimes I am not even phased.  Some times the questions come from a true and sincere place, someone genuinely wanting to know my story.  Other times it's coming from a place of ignorance, misunderstanding, or judgement.   And trust me I can tell where it's coming from with how you ask it, what you ask and how you respond to it.  I can tell, and so can that mom of the little girl you just asked about and so can all my friends and strangers that get asked the same questions every single day.

I haven't always been open and accepting of my disability.  So if you're struggling too, to find self love and acceptance for yourself and you are thinking, "Wow, I wish I was more like Carli.  I wish I could learn to accept my situation and all that it comes with," just remember I only recently found the peace that comes with self love and acceptance and  there are still PLENTY of days where I cry and cry and cry and I ask Heavenly Father why and there are days where I even fantasize about what my life would be like if I wasn't born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy but I am here to tell you;

THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT GO AWAY AND IT DOESN'T MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER OR BETTER. 

Those days that I allow myself to have

self pity
self doubt
to ask why
to hate myself and my circumstances

They don't typically make me feel better.  I don't ever come out of those days being like, "Ah yes, I know understand why it was me that was born with SMA and not Karen."

 Those days are sometimes eye opening though.  Those days have brought some clarity to the fact that, although it may suck and life can be harder, is it really that much worse that what other people have to go through?  Is being in a wheelchair really worse than having to go battle cancer or depression or anxiety or addiction or losing a loved one or poverty? 

Finding self love and acceptance is about realizing just that.  We are all battling our own battle.   The way that we represent ourselves is how people are going to see us.  So if I don't want someone to treat me any different or look at me any different than I need to present myself in a way that makes me no different than someone else who isn't in a wheelchair.  I have found self love and acceptance with my disability by realizing that my wheelchair DOES NOT DEFINE ME.

"The things that make me different are the things that make me."
- Winnie The Pooh

My disability has propelled me in life (literally and figuratively).  I was treated differently my whole life because I was 1 of 2 people in my entire elementary, junior high and high school in a wheelchair.  And that bothered me.  So I made sure to socialize myself, I got involved, I let the fact that being one of the only people in a wheelchair gave me attention and I used that to my benefit.  I stood (sat?) out.  I was recognizable.  And I let those things help me to be REMEMBERABLE. 

We are all given the chance to decide where we want our lives to go.  We are all given the opportunity to choose how we are going to react to what live gives us.  We can choose to let it become us or we can choose to overcome it.

I am still learning to choose to overcome it and not become it.  Like I said, some days are easier than others.

But each day I try and choose to overcome the stigma of being disabled
Each day I try and choose self love.
Each day I try and choose acceptance.
Each day I try and choose to make a difference with the power that I have been given.

• Yes. I called my disability a power.  Because it is a power.  I have been given a power to overcome adversity.  I have been given the power to inspire.  My disability is my power. But it can be my weakness too. I get to choose which one it is.  We all get to choose.  

There is no certain way that a disability is supposed to look, act like or talk like.  I don't look "look" like I am supposed to be in a wheelchair but unfortunately disabilities don't care what you look like.  If you are struggling to accept what ever you may be trying to accept, remember that you have the choice to make it your power or your weakness.  This idea is not just for those trying to navigate the world of acceptance of their disability but for whomever is trying to find self love and acceptance for any situation.   It's all about how you perceive yourself and how you perceive yourself is how the world is going to perceive you.

So remember that you are strong.
You are beautiful.
You are amazing and wonderful and smart and caring and kind.

And you deserve to be loved by yourself.